This is what I told her:
Hey!
First of all, congratulations on the big kid job! Where are you working at?
Getting hired is a huge accomplishment in itself, so hooray!
I have been trying to think of sage like things to say for the past day, or so...so...here goes:
Do not plan the rest of your life around this job. Or the rest of the year. Or even the month. Go day to day at first, or week to week. You are already very accomplished at working so I am not sure what advice I can give that you don't already know.
I do know, however, that I tend to get obsessive about being perfect. If I am perfect at my job, they will not notice my panic attacks, or they will then I am weird but amazing so they won't worry. I then burn myself out really quickly, because no one can be perfect every minute of every day.
Reward yourself for "little" accomplishments. If you like Starbucks, make sure to get one on a rough morning or afternoon. "I got up, put pants on, left the house, and showed up to work today, I get a treat." Being able to reward yourself for little things goes a long way. Especially on days when the little things turn into Earth shatteringly hard things, like when pants are seemingly impossible to find, or driving seems terrifying. WHEN you accomplish your goal (getting dressed, making it to work, saving the planet - whatever your daily personal goal is) REWARD YOURSELF! Get a new pair of hello kitty socks, get a Starbucks, eat your favorite dinner. Something to prove to yourself that you kick ass.
Do NOT start to expect outside praise. The rest of the world will not be as impressed as I am that you made it to work without crying. Although, if ever you need moral support of a pat on the back for something, you can ALWAYS come to me. I will do my best to be supportive and not sound like I am diminishing your success for the day, week, year, etc.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You have a brain quirk, it doesn't make you a bad person. Or a crazy person. The only analogy I can come up with is this: If someone loses a leg, and therefor they have a hard time completing a task they could easily do before, you don't get mad at them. They aren't a bad person because the lost a leg. They are just challenged a little more in completing the marathon than the person with two legs. HOWEVER, a man with NO LEGS won Olympic medals. It look a lot of work, and I am sure he was terrified for parts of it, but he did it.
Some people require insulin because their bodies do not produce proper levels on their own. That does not make them crazy, or bad, or less of a person. It just means they have to be more aware or their limitations and their personal needs. Such is the same with you. You are a great person. You are incredibly bright, you are strong, and you are hilarious.
YOU ARE NOT crazy, or defective.
People who do not have agoraphobia have a very hard time understanding agoraphobia. Another analogy I use is this: Ask them if they have ever had stage fright, or pre-game jitters if they played sports. If they have, ask them to really remember that moment, how they felt, what their reactions were, what their physical selves felt like. If they are able to recall that, then let them know, in a nice way, that that is what going outside feels like. If they can remember their anxiety, they are better able to relate to yours. They still won't fully get it, but it's a start. (Riding on planes is a big one for people, too...or if they have been to a haunted house).
Lastly, don't get mad or upset with yourself if you have a rough day. It happens. It will happen. You just sorta fake it till you make it...But don't beat yourself up about it, it happens. Some days it rains, some days it's sunny, and some days are just days.
I don't know what else to say. You are a strong woman. You are beautiful. You are SMART. You can do this! If you need anything at all, want to talk, or need a hug, I will do my best. You got this. Now kick some ass!
I hope it helps her. I hope it helps you understand her and I a little better. I hope I remember what I told her, when I am having a rough day.
First of all, congratulations on the big kid job! Where are you working at?
Getting hired is a huge accomplishment in itself, so hooray!
I have been trying to think of sage like things to say for the past day, or so...so...here goes:
Do not plan the rest of your life around this job. Or the rest of the year. Or even the month. Go day to day at first, or week to week. You are already very accomplished at working so I am not sure what advice I can give that you don't already know.
I do know, however, that I tend to get obsessive about being perfect. If I am perfect at my job, they will not notice my panic attacks, or they will then I am weird but amazing so they won't worry. I then burn myself out really quickly, because no one can be perfect every minute of every day.
Reward yourself for "little" accomplishments. If you like Starbucks, make sure to get one on a rough morning or afternoon. "I got up, put pants on, left the house, and showed up to work today, I get a treat." Being able to reward yourself for little things goes a long way. Especially on days when the little things turn into Earth shatteringly hard things, like when pants are seemingly impossible to find, or driving seems terrifying. WHEN you accomplish your goal (getting dressed, making it to work, saving the planet - whatever your daily personal goal is) REWARD YOURSELF! Get a new pair of hello kitty socks, get a Starbucks, eat your favorite dinner. Something to prove to yourself that you kick ass.
Do NOT start to expect outside praise. The rest of the world will not be as impressed as I am that you made it to work without crying. Although, if ever you need moral support of a pat on the back for something, you can ALWAYS come to me. I will do my best to be supportive and not sound like I am diminishing your success for the day, week, year, etc.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! You have a brain quirk, it doesn't make you a bad person. Or a crazy person. The only analogy I can come up with is this: If someone loses a leg, and therefor they have a hard time completing a task they could easily do before, you don't get mad at them. They aren't a bad person because the lost a leg. They are just challenged a little more in completing the marathon than the person with two legs. HOWEVER, a man with NO LEGS won Olympic medals. It look a lot of work, and I am sure he was terrified for parts of it, but he did it.
Some people require insulin because their bodies do not produce proper levels on their own. That does not make them crazy, or bad, or less of a person. It just means they have to be more aware or their limitations and their personal needs. Such is the same with you. You are a great person. You are incredibly bright, you are strong, and you are hilarious.
YOU ARE NOT crazy, or defective.
People who do not have agoraphobia have a very hard time understanding agoraphobia. Another analogy I use is this: Ask them if they have ever had stage fright, or pre-game jitters if they played sports. If they have, ask them to really remember that moment, how they felt, what their reactions were, what their physical selves felt like. If they are able to recall that, then let them know, in a nice way, that that is what going outside feels like. If they can remember their anxiety, they are better able to relate to yours. They still won't fully get it, but it's a start. (Riding on planes is a big one for people, too...or if they have been to a haunted house).
Lastly, don't get mad or upset with yourself if you have a rough day. It happens. It will happen. You just sorta fake it till you make it...But don't beat yourself up about it, it happens. Some days it rains, some days it's sunny, and some days are just days.
I don't know what else to say. You are a strong woman. You are beautiful. You are SMART. You can do this! If you need anything at all, want to talk, or need a hug, I will do my best. You got this. Now kick some ass!
I hope it helps her. I hope it helps you understand her and I a little better. I hope I remember what I told her, when I am having a rough day.
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